For You!!

Penned down while sitting alone in Jadavpur 8B bus stand.


Miss you day & night in every heartbeat,
gone are those days when survival was a feat.
Everything seemed dreary & bleak,
with none by my side,so as to speak.
Amidst the darkness,I saw the rising sun
the return of the much awaited fun,
It was you,who stood firm beside me
Love,yes I said,let it be.
It all started when it was almost an end
then life took the unexpected bend.
The love,the warmth & the care,
all your secrets you dared to share
true love I found at last
Me the ship & you the mast
love you darling like anything,am there in your tow,
forever yours I am here,this is my vow.

I Love You my sweetheart[:)].

Eight Simple Things

I am quite inept at jotting down things about myself,the person I find the most easiest & at the same time the most complex to decipher.Yet,since I have been tagged by Bubai(Sushir),I have scratched my head for the length of three days & finally managed to extract the following eight simple(?) things about me:-

1.I am a shit-head,arrogant,egoistic,good-for-nothing fellow.I am quite renowned for throwing up frequent tantrums & my mood swings are the times you will want to stay away from me.Now,that was quite plain & simple!![:p]

2.I like to annoy people,so much so that they become pissed off to the extent after spending just five minutes with me.

3.I am known to have an attitude problem & quite a bad one at that.So,beware!!

4.I love my music & my drinks HARD.Movies(the off-beat ones & the classics) & books have been my passions too since childhood.

5.I was an omnivorous at one point of time(if you get the drift[;)]),but yes,I managed to kick the habit.

6.I suffer from acute Alzheimer's disease & yes,I might not be able to recognize myself the next morning.Have I told you that I simply adore punning & that at times, I try to pen down my thoughts as poems(which are utter bullshits in any case)??.See,I told you I suffer from acute memory loss.Hah!!

7.Philosophy,yes I adore it.Have a chat on that subject & you are sure to forget everything you knew(or even pretended you knew).

8.Oh yes & lastly, I am LAZY!!This post was pending for about one month & that probably gives you an indication of my laziness.Now,off to sleep.zzzzzz.....

PHEW!!

Realization

Okay.This one was again arbitly penned down while waiting for her at the station.Had a fight with her the previous day,was quite disturbed & the following was the output.Piece of my mind basically.

Realization
========

It was a stormy & a rainy night,
when I found someone with my desolate sight
divine she was & straightforward too,
with my whimsical likings she agreed too.
a difference in opinion ,we rarely had,
a minutes absence was enough to make me mad.
yet,now when i see her in pain
when all her pleading goes to vain....
all because of my insufferable filthy attitude
giving her the lengthy hours of desperate solitude....
hurts me the most,as it does now,
feel as if I could just bow
and say to her,she's the best,the perfect for me
how I miss her day in & day out,oh me!!
love her with all my might
never will I lose her from my line of sight.
stay as you are darling,just hold me close
you are my drug & I need my daily dose.


Love is good?err..is it?well,last time I checked it wasn't.But now,am forced to change my conception.ah well....for once,sure it does feels nice to be proved wrong!!

Dreams - II

Times change & dreams do change.This is just a small testimony.Jotted this down in my cell,when I was waiting for her at the station.

Dreams - II
========
Come my love,let me take you there
to the place of your deepest desire.
The ocean,the mountain & the ledge,
I will take you over to the edge.
The sweet smell of the rushing air,
as it gently caresses your flowing hair,
stay close to me,hold me tight,
as we watch the albatross take its flight,
spreading its giant wings,shielding us both,
minuscule we may seem like tiny vegetation growth,
here comes the rain again,falling from the stars,
let's get drenched again & wash away those scars.

SHE!!

It's been quite a long time without any activity.The following piece was written while I was traveling via the Metro.With nothing much to do,I decided on writing some arbit stuffs as usual & the following was the output.

SHE
===

There were times when I felt I'd drown
Under the weight of this imposing crown
Lost my senses,lost myself
Kept my emotions up on the shelf
A place where none dared to breach,
In spite of being within their reach.
Then she came,with all her care
Most of her feelings she dared to share.
Stole away my heart,when I don't know,
Not that I really wanted to know.
The mental match was like divine
Like a fountain finds itself a ravine.
Poured my feelings in her heart
Her absence hurts like a dart
Was it another excuse to get hurt?
Or was it really love this time?
Wavy,curvy was her gorgeous plait
Me,with myself I failed to acquaint
Losing myself,willingly this time
All I wanted was her eyes to shine
Twinkling with joy & glee
For once,they didn't want to flee.

Insanely Sane!!

This was jotted down way back in jan-feb this year maybe.

Instantaneous Insanity
==================

Staring away into nothingness as a new dawn beckons
Is it really me or is it what none reckons?
long gone are those days of sanity,
hard to stop this growing vanity
try as hard as I might,
lost memories come back & fight
in a battle as good as lost
trying to succeed at any cost.
blank emotions are all I see
When I cast my eye upon thee
casting a wry smile,veiling the feelings
conning my way through the rungs,
with a laden heart that still pangs
Vanquished memories bare their fangs
Is is what they say to be like
when there's none in your life?

Life's been whole lot different since then.In fact,never been better.

Memories

A very arbit poem again.Penned down jointly by Nabanita & me while we were chatting quite a few days back.(months maybe).

Memories
=======

A long night
no one inside
scattered dreams
hot tears...
rolling down...
down...
and down....
endless memories
makes me trudge back
to the golden days
the days of plight
gone
gone are those days
when I flew like a free bird
shot down
down
shot down
by the burden of expectations.

Love

Posting after quite a long time.Landed a job in the meantime.A bit of relief from the otherwise claustrophobic life.Jotted this piece of crap sometime during the campusing season,when I was quite listless with my mood.

LOVE
====

Love...
an illusion..
myriad reflections,
of one's dreams
shattered into pieces.
Love you i do not
is it the truth?
answer it even I can not.
maybe heart still longs for you
does it even bother you?
Attention is not what I seek
mental peace,that's what I try to eke
out of this sweet(?) nothingness.

Campusing

Technical Knowledge?Presenting yourself?Good communication skills??Attitude?naaah...you got that all wrong."LUCK".simple yet the most complex four lettered word.This is what the actual campusing boils down to.Take it or leave it.The following are the excerpts from my technical interview in CTS as given on 5th March 2007:

Me:-(with a broad smile):Good evening mam(overcoming the awkwardness in seeing a madam,whereas I expected a sir)
Madam:-(with an even broader smile):Good Evening.Take your seat.
Me:-Thank You mam.
Madam:-Introduce yourself.
Me:-Introduced myself in double quick time,including family background & all.
Madam:-(on hearing that am an English movie freak)What's the last movie you saw?
Me:-"The Departed"
Madam:-How was it.
Me:-Awesome(blabbered a bit about how I like the works of the director Martin Scorsese & how good were his other movies like "Goodfellas" "Taxi Driver" "Gangs Of New York".
Madam:-(seemingly impressed)...suddenly asks a microprocessor question.
Me:-(clean bowled,completely taken aback,as I didn't have any contact what so ever with the subject for over a year,not withstanding the fact that I never managed to read up that particular subject properly[:P]):erm....sorry mam,but I can't recollect at this moment.
Madam:-next question on microprocessor(sorry,but can't recollect at this moment what the question was.See,if my memory fails me the very next day,how can you expect me to remember something that I barely read about a year ago?huh)
Me:-(pretty much fucked up & frustrated):-Actually mam,microprocessor is not my core subject & moreover I've read it almost a year back.So,I can't recollect anything at this moment.You can ask me anything from C,Data Structure & Operating Systems.
Madam:-(with a mysterious smile,which highly pissed me off):What is a queue?
Me:-(overjoyed that at last I got something to answer):-gives the correct answer,much to my own relief.
Madam:-asks four consecutive questions from C & Data Structure.
Me:(Yipeeeee!!!):Answers everything.
Madam:-(now,quite seething with suppressed rage):What is polymorphism?What is data encapsulation?
Me:-(like duh!?!when the hell did I give C++ in my CV?!?):pretty confused...messed up...dunno.
Madam(with a triumphant glee):-heh...dishes out a long & lengthy programme for me to write.
Me:-(what the hell!!?!):-scratches a few lines...tells her the basic way of approach.
Madam:-(not satisfied):Write out the entire code.
Me:-(disgusted):sorry mam,I can't recollect it at this moment & it's quite big too.
Madam:-(with quite a frigging smile):Ok,now have you got any questions for me?
Me:-So,mam what do you look for in a fresher?
Madam:-(again,with a smug smile on her face):technical knowledge,good communication skills,attitude...so,lets see......(basically all bloody half-truths as it purely depends on the current mood of the interviewer & your present day luck)
Me:-Ok mam.Thank You & Have a nice time.(basically wanted to say STFU[:d])

End Result:-obviously not chosen.

Morale:-Don't break down.Someone from our college itself was said "Welcome to CTS",but in the end her name didn't figure in the final list(like WTF!?).Anyways with so many companies knocking on the door,it's just a matter of time you will find some job or the other.Your luck will also favour you one day or the other.(hope it favours me on the day of CapeGemini...6.5LKHS per anum...ohh laaa laa!!)So no need to panic[:)].

PS:-Legal Disclaimer:-This in no way is meant to underestimate the capabilities of those who got through.*AMEN*!!*PEACE*!!

Last Kiss

My recent favorite song.Awesome lyrics!!

Pearl Jam - Last Kiss

Oh where, oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven, so I've got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

We were out on a date in my daddy's car,
we hadn't driven very far.
There in the road, straight ahead,
a car was stalled, the engine was dead.
I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right.
I'll never forget, the sound that night--
the screamin tires, the bustin glass,
the painful scream that I-- heard last.

Oh where, oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven, so I've got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

When I woke up, the rain was pourin down.
There were people standin all around.
Somethin warm flowin through my eyes,
but somehow I found my baby that night.
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said,
"Hold me darling, just a little while."
I held her close, I kissed her--our last kiss.
I'd found the love that I knew I had missed.
Well now she's gone, even though I hold her tight.
I lost my love, my life-- that night.

Oh where, oh where can my baby be?
The Lord took her away from me.
She's gone to heaven so I've got to be good,
So I can see my baby when I leave this world.

=================================

Sometimes it just takes a trivial spark to realize how much we love & miss someone.

"Waiting is painful.Forgetting is painful.But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering" - Quoted from "By The River Piedra I Sat Down & Wept" by Paulo Coelho.(one of my all time favorite books)

Dreams

Jotted down this crap sometime last month.

Dreams
======

Endless minutes & endless hours of night
Seem as empty as they might.
Dream about you,I do not anymore,.
Is it the truth?I can't say anymore
Painless & heartless as I may seem like
Little do they know about the pains I hide.
Twisting & turning in my bed
Drops of tear that I shed,
Vaporize into nothingness
Does that make my suffering less?
All is lost as it seems
A ray of light suddenly beams
Is it really the end of some crazy dream?

Green Is The Colour

The first ever Pink Floyd song I heard back in class-X.Since then I have been an ardent fan of them.


Pink Floyd - Green Is The Colour

Heavy hung the canopy blue
Shade my eyes and I can see you
White is the light that shines
Through the dress you wore
She lay in the shadow of a wave
Hazy were the visions over played
Sunlight in her eyes
But moonshine made her cry ev'ry time
Green is the colour of her kind
Quickness of the eye deceives the mind
Envy is the bond between
The hopeful and the damned.

Better Late Than Never

At last I managed to shrug off the "lyad" which I have had accumulated over the past few years & decided to publish the first post in my blog.Here goes nothing,or maybe a poem(if you may call it one).

Mindless Blabbering
===============

Lost my life,lost my soul,
Slowly but surely going down the hole.
Getting ugly,getting drained
Old memories are all that remain.
Lose all my hopes I will not,
A will to succeed I have got
Cry & crave for the person whom I love the most,
Empty verses are all I have got to boast,
Still my heart burns in love,whimpering in pain
At times,it's better to feel the pain,than to think about the gain
No one can see me crying as I walk in the rain
Throwing all my emotions down the drain.
Forget you,that I will,oh hell
Not anymore afraid of a denial!!